Review: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Directors: Joachim Ronning, Espen Sandberg

Cast: Johnny Depp, Javier Bardem, Brenton Thwaites, Kaya Scodelario, Geoffrey Rush, Kevin McNally

Date seen: Thursday, May 25th, 2017

Theater: AMC Grove City Classic

Overall Rating: C+

Walt Disney Pictures

It takes a lot to get me excited for a film that is the latest in a franchise, especially when that franchise is five films in. I remember when the first Pirates first was released fourteen years ago (!!) and going to see it with my family. As a kid, I was blown away by the special effects, the engrossing story, the fleshed out characters, the epic action scenes and, of course, the famous Jack Sparrow. Sorry! CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow! I think it was the first time I had seen Johnny Depp in a movie and after that, I was a fan.

It was also released towards the end of Lord of the Rings, so Orlando Bloom's popularity was at an all-time high. Not to mention it was the big debut of Keira Knightly, whom I had a huge crush after I saw the movie. I LOVE the original movie, as noted in my 180 review, and I even enjoyed two and three. Four though? That movie seemed to show the franchise was getting long in the teeth and that Jack, once a roguishly charming anti-hero, was now in danger of becoming a cartoon character. To be honest, I didn't remember anything about the fourth movie until I re-watched it a few weeks ago. So the fact that we're now getting a fifth film didn't really excite me all that much. But I went in with an open mind and tempered my expectations.

The film mainly follows Henry Turner, son of Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann, as he seeks out an ancient artifact called the Trident of Poseidon. This mystical object can give it's bearer control over the seas and the ability to break any curse of the sea. Henry seeks out the trident to free his father from the curse of The Flying Dutchman and get his father back. Henry ends up encountering his parent's old ally, Captain Jack Sparrow, and a female astronomer named Carina. Together, the three must battle against Captain Salazar, a ghost pirate with a grudge against Jack who is determined to wipe out all pirates, and find the trident before Salazar does.

I loved that this film essentially brings us back to, or tries to at least, the original feel of the first film. Something I really missed in On Stranger Tides was the feeling of a group dynamic with Jack. The on-screen comradeship that we had with him, Will and Elizabeth was something that made these movies what they were. I think Will balanced out Jack at the very least, and that was part of what grounded the character of Jack was that he had someone to anchor him (pun intended). It reminded me somewhat of Luke and Han in that you had the noble hero and his rogue friend. They balanced each other out and that dynamic made for interesting storytelling.

The new characters of Henry and Carina were great additions to the franchise. Henry is the heart of the movie, you're really pushing for him to find the Trident so he can free Will. He has that sense of purpose that, ironically, Will had in 2 & 3 when he was trying to free his father from The Dutchman. That sense of symmetry was something I enjoyed. Carina was an interesting addition, she rode the line between being useless and being the voice of reason. I'm glad they didn't try to copy Elizabeth and Will and just change a few details. That being said, I didn't buy their romance in the movie. Their actors had ZERO chemistry. Perhaps the best addition to the movie and to the franchise is Javier Bardem as the film's villain, Captain Salazar. Just like in Skyfall, Bardem showed he can play charismatic and charming while being just pure evil. He's a HUGE improvement over Blackbeard, no offense to Ian McShane.

The special effects are fantastic and there's one sequence in particular involving zombie sharks that is just classic Pirates. As with the previous films, the action and set pieces are the highlight. When it comes to modern action and adventure movies, the Pirates movies have always been near the top and that's definitely true here. I also enjoyed the music, even though it's not by Hans Zimmer.

I guess I'm just struggling to come up with a ton of good things to say about the film. It isn't horrible by any means, it's a step up in quality from On Stranger Tides. That being said, this film feels hollow and devoid of any charm and humor and heart the first film had. This is the fifth film of the franchise and it has been fourteen years since The Curse of the Black Pearl. By the time you produce the fifth film in the franchise, you really need to do something cool and creative and fresh. This film doesn't do that. It's very formulaic and it sticks to the structure established by the first four movies. One of those familiar elements being a villain with ties to Jack's past. Just like Barbosa and Davy Jones.

Let's talk about Barbosa for a second. Geoffrey Rush is as fantastic in this movie as he has been in everything else I've seen him in. I just wish he wasn't in this movie at all, especially when it becomes clear as an audience member that the writers had no idea what to do with him. That was true of the last movie as well. He was one of my favorite things about the first movie, having him show up at the end of the second was a nice surprise but after that? He just outlived his purpose. There is NO reason why Barbosa should have continued past the third movie but they kept bringing him back. It also just tarnishes his character for me. He was a great villain in the original and they do something in this movie that just damages his character for me. I won't spoil it but it comes out of nowhere and it's just a twist for the sake of giving him something to do. Barbosa is supposed to be a man "so evil that hell itself spat him back out" according to the myths in the series. He just isn't who he used to be.

And that is something that can be said about Jack as well. I hate to say it but Jack has just outlived his welcome as a character. He's beyond the charming, suave, interesting rogue he was in the first movie and is now what he was in danger of becoming: a cartoon character. It doesn't help that Depp is overacting every chance he gets. To sum up my feelings about Jack in this movie, he spends most of the first act falling asleep...that's how I feel too when watching him now. Depp was such a great actor and seeing him turn into a walking cartoon in and out of character is just sad. The way he's written in this movie just isn't interesting either beyond a flashback of him as a young man that shows us his relationship with Salazar.

It isn't that I hated this movie, but I didn't love it either. It just felt like a soulless movie that was made because the franchise is successful. Anything good about the Pirates movies is now gone completely and they're just another summer tentpole series. It also commits a crime that other summer movies commit: it sets up a sequel using a post-credits scene. I won't describe what happens, but it made me angry. It hints at the return of a character we've thought gone for years now and there is no reason to bring him back. I guess one of the directors said that they were planning on having this as the first part of the final chapter, but honestly? Just bring it port. Disney has beaten the horse enough.